A Poem about Stash

a little something about stash and me

roll away the dew
plays in background
jerry's incredible guitar licks
penetrate my body
and the candle light fills my room
i am alone with my feelings
and my thoughts and my self

my paula, my stash,
my friend, lover,
co-tv-host, co-parent
we were artists in love
living together for a few wonderful years
creating our way through our lives
teaching each other new tricks
and giving each other freedom to be
individuals and co-consorts

i sit and stare at the picture

she was young and adorable
in those sunglasses and standing that
cocky way butches stand
and look at a girl
that makes us melt

the first summer was pure bliss
we fucked at least twice a day
her energy was incredible
and i often thanked myself for
finding a lover ten years younger
than this middle-aged,
green, pagan, queer hippie-chick

i wrote a song about my stash babe
and sang it at a queer coffee-house
she sat in the front row
grinning from ear to ear
she adored me and wasn't shy
about showing it

i'd swoon at her touch
sometimes even at her look
i miss that experience
i miss her holding me tight
and softly kissing my neck
i miss singing indigo girls songs together
harmonizing beautifully
high as a kite
and grounded as a tree

my darling stash, was society's child
born into the violence of an
alcoholic, dysfunctional household
beaten from infancy
raped by the brother
tortured by the drunk dad
disowned by everyone
when she didn't act like a girl
the so-called caregivers
left her to institutions and jails
and a nurtured-less existence

she survived
being an artist
she created what she needed
to get through it
the shrinks claimed her
to be a "multiple"
i claimed her
to be diverse!

i told her
it's better to have too many personalities
than no personality at all
she giggled and grabbed me
and threw me on the bed
and passionately devoured me
for awhile i was totally in my body
yet, totally out of control
she took me over
and i willingly surrendered
to the orgasms
and to the moment

stash was torn between the
memories of years of abuse
and a future with me
filled with respect and love
i pumped her up with self-esteem
but the doctors pumped her full of drugs
that changed her
that took away her passion
in order to calm her fears

i work hard everyday as a green activist
to bring some sanity back to our country,
to our ailing planet
and everyday i ask
what can we do to end war?
what can we do to end violence
between countries and between ourselves?
two to three children die everyday at the hand of a caregiver
we don't see that story on the tv screen
we see a "war against terrorism"
that drops bombs on innocents
where is the
"war against violence?"
where is the
"war against children terrorized in their own homes?"

my stash babe survived her childhood
but not her adulthood
society's child took a nap
on the last day of 2001
and didn't wake up
maybe another day on this crazy planet
was just going to be too much

i feel happy for stash now
she's with mother, she's returned home
to a safe place where love reigns
and one's potential is naturally manifested

like my boys sing, all you need is love...

written by:
starlene rankin
chicago, il, usa

starlene@greens.org

5/27/02